Guitar Solo of the Gods Chapter 13

    Later that afternoon I went outside to feed the dog while Sylvia read a magazine on the couch. When I came in she asked me what I thought of the guy on the cover, a teen idol by the name of Patrick Jensen.
    “He’s not bad,” I said.
    “He’s not bad? He’s gorgeous!”
    “Well, I don’t care much for those Hollywood movie stars. They seem kinda phony and conceited.”
    “Patrick Jensen doesn’t seem that way,” she said. “He sounds very down-to-earth.”
    “I don’t know why people bother with these movie stars,” I said. “Why get all messed up on someone you’re probably never going to meet?”
    Sylvia gave me a funny look. “I’m not all messed up on him, I just think he’s kinda cute.” Then she turned the tables on me. “So what about you? Isn’t there somebody you like? Do you have a boyfriend?”
    “Me?” I gulped. “Um...well...”
    “Don’t tell me you have a crush on Luke Skywalker. Now that’s someone you’re probably never going to meet!”
    I had to laugh at that one. “No way,” I said. “If we’re shooting for the impossible, I’ll take Han Solo over Luke any day.”
    “Hell, I’d take Chewbacca,” Sylvia said. “All that cozy fur!”
    At that moment it occurred to me that Sylvia probably didn’t think my sci-fi stuff was all that weird if she was joking around with me about it. If she thought it was weird, she probably would have steered clear of the subject. I still wasn’t completely sure. When she called up a friend of hers a while later, I listened in on the phone in my parents’ room. I wanted to hear what she really thought of me.
    This is what I heard:

SYLVIA:	Hello, Jessica? Sylvia.
JESSICA:	Sylvia! Hi!
SYLVIA:	Hi. Whatcha up to?
JESSICA:	Oh, nothing. Watching TV. How about you?
SYLVIA:	Babysitting. Well, not actually babysitting. She's fifteen.
JESSICA:	Fifteen? Who is it?
SYLVIA:	Crystal Larson.
JESSICA:	Oh, I know her! She's neat!
SYLVIA:	I didn't know Curt had a sister.
JESSICA:	Yeah, she's in my gym class. I sat with her in lunch today.
SYLVIA:	Is she ever cute. You just want to pick her up and squeeze orange juice out of her!
JESSICA:	I know what you mean.

(I’ve been compared to everything from Tinkerbell to a can of soda pop, but I’ve never been compared to an orange before!)

SYLVIA:	She lies like you wouldn't believe, but she's so cute saying them that you don't even care.
JESSICA:	My cousin is like that. So what do you do there?
SYLVIA:	I don't know. Not much, I guess. The kid is pretty much independent. She spends a lot of time by herself. All I really have to do is keep her fed. I hope she likes pizza, because that's the only thing I can make. Feel like coming over some night and helping me make something else? I'll be here all week.
JESSICA:	Sure. Nice place, huh?
SYLVIA:	You've been here?
JESSICA:	I went with Katz once.
SYLVIA:	Katz...Grrrrrrrr!
JESSICA:	Oops! Sorry, I forgot. So what did You-Know-Who say about you staying at Curt Larson's house?
SYLVIA:	He doesn't know.
JESSICA:	What about Katz?
SYLVIA:	I don't care what she says about it.
JESSICA:	I saw her with one of those Katzenjammer T-shirts on today. She really loves the attention.
SYLVIA:	You know it.
JESSICA:	Is Curt there?
SYLVIA:	No, he's at baseball practice. Crystal says he spends most of his spare time at Katzenjammer's. Her brother has a universal gym.
JESSICA:	When are her parents coming home?
SYLVIA:	Whose? Katzenjammer's?
JESSICA:	No, Crystal's.
SYLVIA:	Friday, I guess. They're still in Florida spacing out.
JESSICA:	You can do that here.
SYLVIA:	Really!
JESSICA:	Have you entered anything in the science fair tomorrow?
SYLVIA:	Me? Are you kidding? I still think the world's square.
JESSICA:	Lisa and I put together an exhibit on Spontaneous Human Combustion.
SYLVIA:	What's that?
JESSICA:	People catching fire. They just burn right up. It has something to do with body chemistry. One minute they're just sitting there, the next, boom! They burst into flames.
SYLVIA:	Real burnouts, huh?
JESSICA:	The funny thing is, the flames never burn the clothes they're wearing or the furniture they're sitting on. It leaves them completely undamaged.
SYLVIA:	I'm sure!
JESSICA:	I'm not kidding! This has been happening for centuries!
SYLVIA:	People just bursting into flames?
JESSICA:	Yeah. You should see how we made the exhibit. We made a doll and loaded it up with flammable material, then dressed it in clothes made from an asbestos blanket. Tomorrow we're going to set the little sucker on fire!
SYLVIA:	You're weird!
JESSICA:	Oh yeah.
SYLVIA:	I wish I had a joint. I wonder if that kid gets high.
JESSICA:	I doubt it. She's supposed to be a little Daddy's Girl. Sorta like me!
SYLVIA:	Jessie Jets, you've got to get out more.
JESSICA:	I know, I know. I just feel so awkward sometimes. I never know what to say to people.
SYLVIA:	Just be cool.
JESSICA:	Be cool. That's easy for you to say, you don't have the Moral Majority for parents like I do.
SYLVIA:	Sneak out sometime. Say you're staying over at my house. We'll hit some parties together.
JESSICA:	Okay, but I don't know about the cool part. Is there a book you can buy to show you how to act cool?
SYLVIA:	Actually, it's pretty easy. All you really have to do is nod your head once in a while and say "sup."
JESSICA:	Sup?
SYLVIA:	You know, what's up?
JESSICA:	Sup. Sup. That's all I have to say?
SYLVIA:	Basically. Have you thought about the prom?
JESSICA:	Only when I feel like getting depressed. Jake Chapburn asked me if I'd go with him.
SYLVIA:	That slob? He's got some nerve.
JESSICA:	I told him I'd consider it if he lost his beer belly and traded in his truck for a Volkswagon Rabbit.
SYLVIA:	You need a boyfriend.
JESSICA:	I know.
SYLVIA:	Want me to ask someone for you? I can be discreet about it.
JESSICA:	No, that's okay. I really don't feel like going.
SYLVIA:	Aw, come on, Jessie. It'll be fun.
JESSICA:	I'll go next year. I'll be a senior then.
SYLVIA:	Yeah, but I graduate this year. I won't be there then, Jets. You're one of the only friends I have left in that damn school. I'll get you a nice date, I promise!
JESSICA:	I'll think about it.
SYLVIA:	Well, I have to get going. I've got to check up on the kid. She's probably sniffing her model airplane glue. You should see this kid's bedroom, Jessie! Spaceships everywhere! It's like walking into the Sci-fi Smithsonian or something.
JESSICA:	Yeah, well, I gotta go, too. My parents want to call the Billy Graham Hotline.
SYLVIA:	Later, Jets.
JESSICA:	Bye, Sylvia!

Click. Click. CLUNK!
I ran into my room and flopped on my bed. Sylvia never came in to check up on me so I went back into my parents’ room to listen in on her again. This time I wasn’t as sneaky as I had hoped. She knew I was eavesdropping as soon as I picked up the receiver.

SYLVIA:	What was that?
MALE:	What was what?
SYLVIA:	It sounded like someone picked up another phone. Crystal? Is that you?
MALE:	Maybe they're on a party line.
SYLVIA:	That's all you think about, partying!
MALE:	Huh! Heh heh heh!
SYLVIA:	Crystal? Is that you?
ME:	Yeah. It's me.
SYLVIA:	What are you doing? You're not eavesdropping, are you?
ME:	No. I was going to call my friend. I'm sorry.
SYLVIA:	It's okay. I'll be off in a minute. I'm just calling in a request to the radio station.
ME:	The radio station? WYKD?
SYLVIA:	Yeah. Want to hear a song?
ME:	Sure!
SYLVIA:	What song?
ME:	Oh, I don't know. I can't think of anything.
SYLVIA:	Well, how about if I have them pick one out for you? They can say your name on the radio.
ME:	Really?
SYLVIA:	Really.
ME:	Tell the Gods of Metal, Katzenjammer, that I'm their biggest fan. I mean, I'm not fat or anything, I just like them more than anybody else.
MALE:	I'm flattered!
ME:	Is this...Casey Winslow?
CASEY:	You got it.
ME:	Wow, man! You're an excellent guitar player!
CASEY:	Thanks.
SYLVIA:	So you're going to play songs for us then?
CASEY:	Yeah, we'll play them.
SYLVIA:	Okay then. Thanks. See ya.
ME:	Yeah, take it easy, dude.
CASEY:	Right. Later.

    Click. Click. CLUNK!
    I did a flying leap onto my parents’ bed and bounced around on my stomach like an epileptic seal. This was too much! Casey Winslow, Eastville’s ultimate rock and roll party animal, was actually going to say my name on the radio! This was a moment I had to record for posterity. I ran back to my room and put a blank cassette into my little ghetto blaster and waited. When the song they were playing came to an end, I hit the record button. Casey Winslow came on the air.
    “You’re listening to WYKD, Eastville’s Semi-Wicked Rock, and this is Casey Winslow. The next song is going out to our biggest fan, Crystal Larson, who isn’t fat or anything, she just likes us more than anybody else. It’s a song we performed today at the Second Coming.”
    They played a tape that began with applause. Then I heard that unmistakable voice speaking the same words I had heard just a few hours before:
    “My name is Casey Winslow, and this is my band, the Gods of Metal, KATZENJAMMER! The next song we’re gonna play is dedicated to a certain somebody out there. It’s a song we wrote called ‘Mystery Girl.’”
    YES!!!

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